Summer VACATION!

22. August, 2008 | by John Moroney

Sorry, dudes! I, like, totally forgot to tell you I’m going on a short vacation! I’m out in the wilderness fighting bears and rabbits, sleeping on dirt, neither shaving nor bathing, roasting hot dogs made from buffalo I killed myself over coals made from buffalo manure I collected myself, chopping down entire forests with my kill-or-be-stung karate chops to make funeral pyres for the spirit of my stress level, fording rivers of BLOOD, chilling the fuck out (yo!), swimming entire oceans with killer whales and sharks as my guides, and grooving the fuck OUT to The Fall on my wife’s already-broken iPhone 3G!

Did you know the 3G has a glass faceplate? And that when it breaks, it inserts nasty little kitten-teeth slivers under your fingernails? And that it can pick up a signal in Wyoming buffalo fields?

I’ll be back on Wednesday next week but, as you can see, I’m missing you already!

Remember the revolution! VIVA AMERICA!

Love your faces off!

Sent from my wife’s iPhone 3G, which I am now going to TURN OFF