Bitch Kitty Racing

I said I wouldn’t do it, but I am going to do it: I’m getting the new iPhone. And yes, it is because all my friends are doing it! My wife got one and updates me every five God-damned minutes about all the cool apps she’s downloading (the latest being iTunes control from her phone. Welcome to the world of Mac, baby. Stop resisting. You WILL be assimilated. JOIN US!). My producer (L.A. Douchebag) got one, and I have to spend so much time showing him how it works that I’ve become used to its interface and amazed at its speed.

(Also, as a complete and total aside, Producer can’t register his phone—I have to do that for him today. Motherfucker has an ILLEGAL COPY OF WINDOWS which won’t allow him to update ANYTHING. I really can’t think of anything funnier than a techtard trying to navigate through A: Windows, and B: an old, un-update-able copy of Windows.)

So, once again, I’m opening up my wallet to Apple. Damn you, Jonathan Ive! Your sleek eye candy has done me again! Try using lube next time, you son of a bitch!

Apple is taking over the world. First they released iTunes and the iPod, which introduced the world at large to how cool Apple machines are. Next comes the iPhone, which became THE ITEM to have for geeks, and introduced more of the world at large to how cool Apple is. The interface, the design, the speed! Next comes the 3G, which is so freaking cheap and so freaking fast and so freaking cool that the lines are hours and hours long all over the world to get one.

How many people are in Apple stores for the first time right now? How many people are seeing all Ive’s pretty-pretty-princess machines? How many people are playing on slick computers that are grippa fast and have so many easy-to-use fun apps on them, apps which work and are PERFECT TOYS for the casual user?

Top that off with the fact that Apple welcomes the open source community. There is a free application for all your needs in the Apple world. Anything. And, and here is the weird part, Apple doesn’t really seem to lock its own applications up very tightly—so many are available to even the most inexperienced of “shoppers.” Apple wants everyone to use Apple, and makes it really easy to do so.

Okay, enough of that. I found this today, and it’s really, really freaking funny: Steve Ballmer laughing at the iPhone. It’s from January of 2007, I think.