Bitch Kitty Racing

The wife and I are sitting in a brewery at two o’clock in the afternoon so, ostensibly, she can write about beer and make more of the millions I married her for. My job is, of course, flexible enough to allow me to work almost anywhere, all the better if I’m buzzed, so this natural arrangement of “going to work together” is almost perfect.

While she geeks out in her 1950s dress and sexy glasses, talking about hops and IBUs and casks and Saisons and other beer nerdiness, I’m supposed to be creatively writing and forwarding the empire that is Bitch Kitty Racing. I actually had an entire plan to write about beer and all the cool things I’ve been learning about it lately.

Beer is not just beer, as it turns out. The culture has generated enough interesting variations that, with the help of my wife The Beer Goddess, I have discovered so many amazing brews that I find I want to discuss beer like I used to discuss wine. It’s easier to discuss beer, however—beer people are not pretentious assholes with their palates jammed three feet up their rectums. Beer people are usually insanely cool, and even the rock star brewers I’ve met don’t mind when I say their beer “has an interesting manure scent on the fourth note.” Tell a vintner their wine tastes like shit; really, try it.

Beer people are cool.

But back to today, I’ve having a bit of a problem concentrating. See, the apartment below mine is vacant, and my landlady has always been awesome enough to allow me to stage photo shoots in that unit: cupcakes, latex, underwear, Jell-O . . . All in the apartment downstairs. It’s July, it’s hot as balls (I love that phrase), and I love the sexy heat smell of dry grass and hot brick that permeates the apartment under mine.

So how to use it?

Well, again, I’m sitting in a brewery. I can see from my chair a carpet store, a sex shop, and a plastic manufacturer. Some combination of the three? I also have discovered a new photographer with an excellent light sense I’d like to try out. Our makeup artist is wonderful, though she has to go to confession after working with us. The BKR hairstylist likes zombies. Hmm . . . What to do? I actually have to shoot fifty naked bodies for still for a short I’m making. This might be the perfect opportunity.

And, if I may: “Whoop! There it is!”

I love it when an idea comes together.

Here. Watch this latest video from Kiiiii!!!!!!!